Toxic Bread Analysis

Don’t eat this bread otherwise….

The other day a friend was raving on about how toxic supermarket bread was so I decided to check out the ingredients in a multigrain loaf of bread. I emailed my analysis to her and here it is:

Wheat Flour (humans have been eating this toxic substance for 10,000 years)
Water (highly toxic)
Mixed Wholegrains 13% – Kibbled Rye, Kibbled Wheat, Kibbled Corn, Buckwheat, Rolled Oats, Triticale, Millet, Purple Wheat, Barley  (stay away from grains at all cost)
Linseed (oil used to preserve cricket bats – very nasty)
Bakers Yeast (bakers crap more like)
Wheat Gluten (whoaaah hold on there- no more of this vile substance)
Kibbled Soy (very dangerous – known to cause a rare foot disease called Doby’s itch)
Iodised Salt (only good in a nuclear winter)
Vinegar (one the most potent substances according to Nexus magazine)
Soy Flour (is the cause of most of the current planetary ills)
Canola Oil (evil oil that conjures Satan in your home)
Emulsifier 481 – Sodium Oleyl derived from Lactic Acid a substance found abundantly in the human body (banned by the David Icke conspiracy theory club)
Emulsifier 472e – Fatty Acid esters of Glycerol – obtained from the fats of oils (…mmm love fat delicious)
Sunflower Kernels (not even good enough for the neighbours dog)
Vitamins Thiamine and Folate (we all could do without vitamins – they are truly horrid)

View this related audio by Stuart Wilde at Quiet Earth

Categories: Funny

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