I would like you to sign up to my new indeterminate religion (yet to be named) where we will be holding our gatherings in the Temple of the Hazy Wave.

The Temple has yet to be built as I am waiting for dedicated souls such as yourself to sign up and donate bucket loads of money or put some dosh in a virtual collection plate (which we will create on our website). Some of the funds will be used to build the modest temple (see pic), the rest will go to the meek.

As visiting the splendid temple will be a somewhat Taoist venture, all karma and original sin will be considered null and void. Plus there are no sermons or special frocks to wear. In fact, in our Temple of the Hazy Wave, you will be able to shout and sing to your heart’s content, marry anyone or anything including your hat, think of seven impossible things before you come (just so you have one up on the queen), eat what you like or tell silly jokes. Another bonus is that you won’t have to switch off your phones which can be 3G, 4G, 5G or 11G. Pets, toy boys, mistresses are allowed and you can even show up in a wet t-shirt.

Every temple has rules, but because we celebrate freedom and Taoist sensibilities we have whittled them down to just two:

Firstly we all should agree to see people not as objects but as as Hazy Waves. In other words, when you look at a person or feel them in your heart, you are observing them as a nebulous fluff of energy full of probability; full of possibility; full of the living spirit even.

They are not solid organisms ranting on about their lives but exciting souls who may have interesting things to say. They are not mechanics but are fixing things. They are not actors but are acting. Not landscapers but gardening.

Let’s run with this a bit more: Your partner is not a slob watching the football in their underpants but a Hazy Wave enlightened soul, teaching themselves about relaxation and all manner of things. Grandma is not a pain taking up space but a wise woman who speaks in tongues occasionally.

The second rule (or aspiration if you like) is that we live our own lives as Hazy Waves. We endeavour to jump out of our silly little patterns, let go of ‘same old same old’, blow a kiss to a neighbour or relative (or a politician even), and never forget to indulge in the great feast of life.

We rarely need observers (we don’t want people collapsing our wave function) so we quietly go about our business with little fuss. And if we do make a fuss about something it’s because we have given it great thought — it actually really, truly is important.

Throughout our day to day lives we practice a kind of natural holistic care and maintenance without even thinking about it because we are tapped into the simple rhythms of our universe.

Moreover, because the people we meet are Hazy Waves, then wherever we roam there is little friction, little anxiety, because wave rubbing against wave is kind of spongy and resilient.

I would like to welcome everyone but that may not be possible. We must acknowledge that our boundaries in our Hazy Wave state are dissolving. This can be tricky so in the Temple of the Hazy Wave we will need to keep one foot on solid earth, so to speak, to stop us disappearing into the ether.

To keep us secure we can have a couple of exclusions. So who? Easy — ban any leaders of the catholic church (must think of the children) and any members of rival cults as we don’t want to be infected by extraneous notions such as the world being controlled by a bunch of elite lizard people.

I am yet to come up with a name for this new religion. Maybe another post is needed. In the meantime I hope you can join anyway. I will follow up with some forms you can fill in on-line. It may take me a while as things are a little bit hazy just now….