Here is a little rundown on the ages of humanity. Adapted from A. A. Gill, a British writer who passed away recently.

We’re born Italian: relentlessly infantile and mother-obsessed.

In early childhood, we’re English: chronically shy, tongue-tied, cliquey, and only happy kicking balls and pulling the legs off things.

Teenagers we’re French: pretentiously philosophical, embarrassingly vain, ridiculously romantic and insincere.

In our twenties we’re Australian or American: getting louder, becoming more assertive and wondering why people like us, but try to avoid us.

Then, in middle age, we become either Swiss or Irish, one or the other. We choose – it doesn’t really matter – it will be confusing either way, one in mind and the other in heart.

Then the gap between Middle Age and Old Age we have a stint at the Canadian Age. This is actually the best time of our lives when we realise that all is well in the world. We have infinite patience for all things and of course we don’t mind long cues.

Old age is German: ponderous, pompous and pedantic but almost acceptable. Enough said about that.

Then finally we regress into being Belgian, with no idea who we are at all.

But is that all? No, when we pass on for the briefest of moments we travel to another dimension and become Indian: only to come back and do it all again.